Vulva owners, read this if sex is painful for you
If you have chronically painful sex as a woman or vulva owner*, there’s a term for that.
It’s called Genito-Pelvic Pain/Penetration Disorder, and it’s THE WORST.
Just imagine: You’re turned on, you’re lubed up, you’re “entered,” and then suddenly… A THOUSAND KNIVES.
If you’re reading this, you probably don’t have to imagine; you’ve probably gone through it enough times that it’s forever burned into your psyche, and I’m so sorry.
Pain with sex is enough to kill anyone’s desire to be intimate, so it’s a killer for a healthy sex life, which can be a killer to healthy relationships, which can be a killer to a healthy self-esteem, and so on… Again, it’s the freakin’ worst!!
From the DSM itself (the manual that we therapists and psychiatrists consult to create diagnoses and treatment plans), GPPPD is an umbrella term for any times when:
You have significant trouble successfully having sexual intercourse
Your pelvic muscles are tightened and tense during the act
You experience pain during vaginal penetration
You fear the pain (wouldn’t we all)
GPPPD can include any of the following conditions:
Dyspareunia
Vaginismus
Vulvodynia
Vestibulodynia
Clitorodynia
Vulvar vestibulitis
Each one of these could warrant its own article, but my point is that there are a bunch of terms that fall under this cute little umbrella that all say the same thing:
“My hoo-ha hurts when it’s Go Time.”
(It was important to me to say that using extremely clinical terminology.)
If this is you – If you experience either specific or generalized pain in and/or around your vulva, vagina, labia, clitoris, or vestibule (the external area right at the opening of the vagina) during sex and/or simply even when using a tampon – and you are SICK of it, I want to tell you that I feel for you. I get you. I see you.
(In fact, I’ve BEEN you, and I’ve come out the other side pain-free. This is why I’m so passionate about helping clients work through this clinical issue.)
Above all, I want you to know that:
You are NOT broken.
You are NOT irrevocably different from everyone else.
You are NOT doomed to the pain forever.
It IS possible to change this painful experience you’re having.
It IS possible to escape from the mindset of “it’s going to be like this forever.”
It IS possible to have pain-free (and even, dare I say, pleasurable) sex!
GPPPD (in whatever form you experience it) includes many routes to freedom from pain.
You can treat and even cure it. You can definitely improve your situation.
Just imagine: You’re turned on, you’re lubed up, you’re entered, and… you feel no fear or pain, only the exciting pressure that stimulates pleasure and arousal. With each thrust, zero pain; just feeling close to each other in the moment, and the exquisite joy of being a sexual human. :) :) :) :)
If that sounds like a dream, and if you’re wondering HOW in the hell you could ever get to that point (because I, too, remember feeling like it would be impossible to overcome), let me quickly explain a few of the routes to freedom through which you can treat your GPPPD:
Medical Interventions
Physical examinations of the area can be equally as painful as sex (or sometimes more painful… just the sight of the speculum can cause some people pain!), so this one is a decision between you and your doctor(s). But sometimes, through the guidance of a gynecologist and/or physician, surgery and/or medicines can be prescribed for unique circumstances, so that is always an option to consider.
Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy
If you haven’t gone down this path yet, I highly recommend Googling it. The pelvic floor muscles ARE the muscles that are involved when you’re having sex (or even just thinking about sex), and if they are tense during intercourse, then there’s a good chance that a PF PT will do wonders for your situation.
Psychotherapy
Cue the trumpets and the parting of the clouds – This is where I come in. The silver lining here is that MANY GPPPD-related issues can be eased by addressing the psychological factors at play. Many people experiencing vaginal or vulvar pain with sex are also experiencing:
Relationship issues
Distress in their personal life
Concerns about their own sexual identity
Fears and/or general anxiety around their sexual beliefs
Religious and/or cultural beliefs that conflict with their sex life
Body image issues
A history of sexual abuse and/or other traumas
Other types of mental health and/or behavioral issues
And these are all topics that can be discussed and treated in the therapy room.
Through the use of psychotherapeutic theories and techniques, sex therapy “homework,” and some education about the topic that you are struggling with, there IS hope that you can come out of the other side of your GPPPD experience with less pain. You do not have to deal with this for the rest of your life.
If that sounds good to you, and if you’d like to try working together, please contact me for a free consultation so that we can get you on the path to less pain.
*Note: If you are wondering, “vulva owners” is an inclusive term that I like to use because the word “women” doesn’t quite encompass the group that I’m trying to reach here. There are more genders, orientations, and identities that might experience pain vulvas and vaginas than just “women” (and I don’t personally love using the word “female.”) Could be trans men, could be non-binary individuals who were assigned female at birth, could be an intersex person, could be a young girl reading this, whoever. Inclusivity matters when speaking in terms of health care, so I wanted to include any human who happens to own a vulva on their body! (Because damn, they gotta endure pain with sex, and that’s hard enough without also being excluded from a conversation that very much involves them!! /endrant /thanksforcomingtomytedtalk)